Freaky Friday: Holiday “Niche” Erotica

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Last week, I posted Freaky Friday: Old St. Nick’s Gender Swap Trick, so I thought we would keep going with more holiday erotica since it is so close to Christmas. I have actually read all of these – FOR SCIENCE. You might notice a lot of Krampus titles, but that is because Krampus is awesome. I actually think there should be more holiday erotica written – the kind with Santa and elves and snowmen, etc. It kind of fits in there with the monster/living objects stuff. I bet some of you don’t even know what living object erotica is, do you? Newbs! LOL.

Here are some titles I thought I would share. They are all found at Amazon in the Kindle store.

My favorites are Ravaged by the Gingerbread Man andanything by Chuck Tingle. The Captured by Krampus one is worth a shot because his tongue reminded me of a tentacle and you can never have too much tentacles!

Some of the author names are funny alone, like Hauten Whett, Edmund Quimlove.

So, if you’re feeling adventurous and willing to do some SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH, check one out. Remember, no one can see the cover if it’s on your Kindle!

Okay, so that wraps it up for now. Until next time, stay freaky.

 

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Freaky Friday: Old St. Nick’s Gender Swap Trick

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So around this time last year, I was reading a Christmas erotica called Old St. Nick’s Gender Swap Trick (Gender Swap Feminization Menage Santa Claus Krampus Christmas Festive Holiday Erotica). Wow, that is some title, huh? I like to read this silly stuff every once in awhile, and since it’s that time of year, I thought I would share part of my review. I won’t include it in its entirety here, but if you’d like to read the full review, it’s at Goodreads.

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So in this one, we have Santa who is preparing for Christmas, when he receives some homemade cookies from, who else, Krampus. Silly Santa shoves one in his piehole before his elf advisors can tell him that is probably not a good idea, and what happens?

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Santa turns into a sexy female! A sexy, horny female. It’s time for a jolly old gangbang!

This story had a good dose of the funneh, which is important to me when we’re dealing with over the top ridiculous porn/smut. There were LOTS of fluids. No hole is safe.

Miraculously, the tiny elves have huge peens.

“Nine inches long and nearly as girthy as a canned Christmas ham”

The “elf chowder” (bonus for coming up with that one) tasted like liquid candy cane, which is always a nice touch to add in Christmas porn.

Exclamations that should be used more often:

“Jingle Bells!” and “Sweet Baby Rudolph!”

The only downside is that even though Santa was kind of “tricked” into eating the cookies and becoming a woman, he was still married and therefore cheated on Mrs. Claus. According to this short story, their marriage was ruined because Mrs. Claus had surveillance set up previously in the room where the sex went down.

They ended up selling the sex tape as Holly Jolly XXXmas and it became the top-selling porn of all time.

I mean, I thought it was funny.

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Well, that’s it for this time. Stay Freaky and have a happy Christmas and merry New Year and all that.

We’ll be doing some yearly wrap ups soon and blog about our favorite books and movies, etc. Hard to believe 2017 is almost over! It flew by!

Laters!

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Freaky Friday: Nicolas Cage Memes!

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Soooo… we were going to skip this week’s edition, but I thought I would just post a few Nicolas Cage memes I found off the internet because, well, Nicolas Cage memes are the best. You would be surprised how many people have Photo-shopped him onto various images.

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As E.T.:

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As Hermione:

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As Ariel:

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I love Nicolas Cage and think he is awesome. But I also love seeing ridiculous images of him on the internet.

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Nicolas Cage as Disney Princesses

Until next time, stay freaky!

Freaky Friday – The Reverse Harem Trope

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So, this one isn’t really freaky, but some people might consider it weird and “not for them.” The reverse harem: one female with multiple males. Now, this trope is found in several Young Adult novels/series, so of course there is no sex. It’s just the female having her own small pack of boys who worships the ground she walks on. She might have a special bond with them, magical or otherwise, they may kiss, but there’s really no smut… because, YA.

The “grown up” version usually refers to books like this as ménage and classifies it as erotica because there is plenty of smut.

The term seems to have originated with Japanese anime.

This is a trope I am LOVING right now, so I thought I would share a few books with you that feature it. First, on the Young Adult side:

The Seraph Black series and Curse of the Gods, both by Jane Washington, have a female main character bonded to four young men. They are fantastic!

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The Academy series by C.L. Stone. I have not read this one yet, but it supposedly features a reverse harem.

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Finding My Pack by Lane Whitt. This one supposedly is a bit more mature. I have yet to read this one either, but looking forward to trying it out.

On the definitely-for-adults-only side:

Pretty much anything by Kaitlyn O’Connor. Her books have cyborgs and aliens, so strap on your sci-fi belts!

The Merry Gentry series by Laurell K. Hamilton. I LOVED this and it does have tons of sex in it, but I also loved the characters and world-building. Yes, there is actual plot, although Merry does have a lot of men. I love them all too!

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If you’re curious and looking for more recs, there is a list dedicated to nothing but reverse harem books at Goodreads (both adult and YA)!

Until next time, try something new, be weird, and remember: most of these books are available on Kindle, so you can hide the covers and no one will know you are reading about harems or alien sex!

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A Truly Freaky Friday: MacHalo’s Halloween Edition

Hey guys!

So this Freaky Friday is REALLY special.

Do you know why?

I bet you can guess.

Come on. Just try. Do it. Do it. DO IT!

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Did you do it? Did you give in to peer pressure and hazard a guess? Yes! Thank you. I knew that would work.  So, if you guessed that this Friday is super special because it is the Friday before Halloween, then you are correct my friend!

Ding, ding, ding! Give the reader a prize, Bob!

Kidding. I have no idea who Bob is and I sure don’t have any prizes. Sorry :/

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JT does not look amused. Uh, oh.

Okay, moving on. Where were we? Ah, yes. A special Freaky Friday. Since this is the last Friday before Halloween I wanted to give you guys something truly incredible. I wanted something different, something unique, something totally bizarre. So what did I do? Why I scoured the interwebs (aka Kindle Unlimited because they have a hella monstery smut) looking for the perfect Halloween treat, of course.  And wouldn’t you know it? There’s a TON to choose from. So in the pursuit of a balanced variety, and because this needed to be a super Freaky Friday, I chose not one, not two, but THREE titles to delve into for your reading pleasure. And for science of course. Always for science.

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 Pleasured by the Pumpkin by Callie Snow

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“No one decent goes into that place, Miss,” he said. “And if they do, they ain’t decent when they come out.”

Jacinta was born on Halloween so has always had a really strong connection to the holiday. She receives a summons from her elderly distant relative (wtf?) named Dr. Badlove to come to the House of Halloween to meet her fate….

First of all, why in the hell is an elderly distant relative sending her an invite to a monster sex house? Like, how fucked up is that? I hope he’s not hoping to get in on that action, that’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, so Jacinta arrives at the driveway to the house and the cabbie is having none of it. Nuh-uh, no way, no how is he driving up to that den of depravity. But it’s cool, because Jacinta likes depravity. She decides she’s okay with her chances and starts walking up the spooky driveway. The anticipation alone is enough to get her vag juices flowing.  In the end, she just can’t keep herself away from herself so decides to take care of business right there in the driveway. And thank goodness for that. Who knows what could have happened between there and the house.

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Self love: it’s the key to happiness folks.

By now, Jacinta has arrived at the house and is once again throbbing with want (seriously?). She begins to climb the steps, only to be greeted at the top by a “menacingly sexy jack o’ lantern.” Ooooookay. So, obviously (for science) I googled “sexy jack o’ lantern” just to get an idea of what we were dealing with here. Man, I’d post some of my findings but people get super graphic with these pumpkins. If you don’t take my word for it, google it yourself. People will put penises on ANYTHING.

Anyway, now we have Jacinta on the porch with her sexy jack o’ lantern so you can imagine what’s about to go down now, am I right?

“Give me some of that ass,” he says, and Jacinta is more than compliant. Apparently our pumpkin boy has some mad motor-boating skills,  because that’s literally all it takes to give our ever wet and horny Jacinta the best orgasm of her life. And he’s only getting started, folks.

Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:

Its candle flame gave way to pulsating multicolored club lights, and it started singing a surprisingly accurate rendition of  “Gangnam Style.” (because he wanted her to be his sexy lady)

and,

“Call me Peter,” he said.

“Peter?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re a pumpkin named Peter?”

“Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater,” the pumpkin replied. “Now lie back and let me should you how I got my name.”

and last, but not least,

She just kept screaming, and humping that pumpkin’s hot smile. 

This is supposedly not the last of Jacinta’s sexy Halloween adventures. I mean, she hasn’t even made it into the house yet. Who knows what carnal delights await her there. This was a really silly story and, while it may have been weird sex-wise (I mean, motor-boating…really?), I did chuckle a few times. On to the next one, my fellow freak lover.

 ABDL at Halloween by Carmen Quick

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Now, if you’re like me, meaning a somewhat sane and rational adult, you may not know what ABDL is. I looked at this cover with a tagline that read “Taboo Forbidden ABDL / Age Play Erotica Box Set” and thought,

“Why the hell not?”

Well, let me tell you what ABDL is and what this set is not.

ABDL is and acronym for Adult Baby Diaper Lover. Yes, adults who like to dress like babies, diapers and all. Eh, I just read a story about a jack o’ lantern who can motor-boat a pussy to completion so why not? This is definitely on the right track for a Freaky Friday Halloween Delight.

Right?

Wrong. So wrong.

Um, first off…there’s definitely not a lot of “erotic” going on here.

The first story, Trick or Treat in Diapers, is a lame story about some lame guy who wants to win a lame costume contest so decides to dress up as the season fall (that’s really the best you could do, dude?) which is the lame frosting on the lame cake.

Did I mention it was lame?

Anyhoo, he buys a jumpsuit and realizes he can’t take it off once it’s on because that sucker glues shut. What’s a lame dude to do? That’s right, wear a friggin diaper. At first he’s mildly ashamed but “slowly, the thought of quietly, secretly peeing while I was among people began to excite me.” And somewhere down the line the diaper starts making him feel sexy.

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So he glues a whole bunch of leaves and shit to his costume and come Halloween, he is ready to go trick or treating with his girlfriend (who just so happens to be last year’s costume winner.)

In his mind, he is this majestic representation of the fall season, with beautifully cascading leaves and chestnuts, but to everyone else he looks kinda like this guy..

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Thinking that there’s no way he’s going to win the costume contest now that he knows everyone thinks his costume is ridiculous,  he starts drinking and pissing, filling that diaper up to the brim with no one the wiser.

“…the knowledge that I’d been walking around all night without anyone knowing that I’d been wearing a diaper had me feeling so excited.”

But, lo and behold, he wins the costume contest because his costume was most entertaining (because honestly, what person dresses up as “Fall” for Halloween?) As he walks up on stage to collect his prize, he falls and literally shits himself. Like a loud, stinky shit. The entire party now knows he’s wearing a diaper. His girlfriend dumps him, he never speaks to his friends again, but he does find someone who loves his new baby lifestyle, so I guess that’s a plus, right?

Gah, all of that and there was nothing remotely erotic about it.

 

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The next story, Diapered at Halloween, is about a kid, Bobby, who’s suffered with incontinence his entire life, but especially after his parents die. And scary movies? Forget about it. They make him piss his pants faster than you can say the word, “Boo.” So imagine his chagrin when his bff from next door, Elaine, who also happens to be his secret crush, asks him to take her to see The Exorcist. He couldn’t very well say no, now could he? But how was he supposed to go to see the scary movie with his little problem? What’s an 18 year old with a spastic bladder to do?

Why wear his teenage pull-ups of course, silly.

Now, he may be small everywhere else but he makes sure to let us readers know that his penis is all man, baby. He pulls that pull-up on and it bulges alluring over his crotch. In fact, it begins to arouse him like nothing else has in months. This may be the answer to all of his problems!

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But alas, sadly it is not meant to be. You see, this story ends in tragedy.

He makes it to the movie all right, and of course he pisses himself at the first opportunity. I mean, why wouldn’t he?

“I began to relax a little, to sit deeper into my seat, and enjoy the continuing rush of warm, wet liquid, making the padding around my dick nice and warm and wet. It was like sinking deep into a warm bath…” OF HIS OWN URINE.

But then Elaine starts to get a little handsy, with her fingers tiptoeing up his leg toward his now urine filled diaper. He becomes so panicked he has a heart attack and dies right there in the movie theater. I kid you not. That’s where this story goes.

Now Bobby haunts his house as a diaper wearing boy-man-ghost. But there is a upside to this story…he gets to lurk all ghost perv like in Elaine’s room and

“as I watch her, I tenderly rub the padded, soft fabric over my ghost-hard cock, and, if I’m lucky, I’ll even spill a little ectoplasm over her.”

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And the last story in this collection is Hannah’s Humiliating Halloween.

I’ll make this one quick.

Hannah has never celebrated Halloween before (because she’s a good Christian) but Halloween happens to be her new boyfriend’s favorite holiday. So, she says, “Fuck it! I’m in!” and lets him pick out a costume for her while she picks a costume for him.  Blah, blah, blah, he picks out a baby outfit for her, complete with diaper and teddy. He then makes her crawl everywhere, even house to house for trick or treating, and of course makes her drink his “milk”.

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I don’t know if this ends up being just a fucked up Dom/sub deal, but at the of the story she says October 31st is the only day she’s visible. Every other day of the year she fades away from other’s eyes, where she lives basically as a baby and only Corey (her freaky boyfriend) can see her. It’s kinda sad, really.

So, that was the last from the ABDL at Halloween collection. Thank God. Needless to say, this was a kinda weird and pretty non-erotic collection of stories. I did, however, appreciate the lack of true happy endings for them all. At least that made the tales marginally more interesting.

And last, but not least…

Trick or Treat Gender Swap by Candy Banger (classic!)

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So apparently, gender swapping is the new “it” thing in this bad erotica genre. In the name of all things scientific, I had to check it out. Turns out, in this case anyway, gender swapping makes it okay for a dude to lust after his best dude friend and still be straight? Is that what’s happening here? I have no idea.

Anyway. The two 18 year old studs are trick or treating and happen upon a house occupied by a mysterious woman with huge tits. Dude 2 (Brad) can’t keep his eyes off her chest, but Dude 1 (Jed) is a little more circumspect and respectful. She offers them her special drink, which has been brewing all day in her cauldron (helloooooo!!!???)but rude Brad says no-way (I’m with ya, Brad) while polite Jed can’t refuse, even though it looks like some kind of toxic brew. Again, from a cauldron.

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Jed, being the sucker he is, drinks it down. And to his absolute surprise, not only is it delicious, it also allows him to see the big jugged woman for what she truly is, a succubus witch woman thing. And now he gets to be one too! Hooray! Jed’s body begins the transformation into that of a woman, complete with a killer rack and a super sensitive clit (which is way better than a penis in Jed’s eyes).

“It was like my whole dick has been reduced to the size of a pea, but was just as sensitive. No-more sensitive.”

And now this new and improved Jed needs cock. ASAP. And guess who just so happens to have one of those? Brad! Brad, who has no idea what happened to Jed, but only knows now there is this smoking hot woman wanting to sit on his dick.

So of course he goes for it.

“I enveloped his hot meat with my pussy.”

(lines like that always make me laugh.)

And let’s not forget our other succubus witch demon lady, who I guess Brad can no longer see? Well, now she is sporting a monstrous cock and wants to get in on the action too. So yep, we now have ourselves a 3-way.

“I moaned, and we all came, the three of us; me clutching my pussy, as the unbearable sensations pulsed around my body, Brad’s dick beat into me like a hammer, and the witch’s vile penis sprayed sweet-tasting seed into my mouth.”

And I guess they all lived happily ever after?

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I have no idea if Jed gets to remain a woman, or if Brad ever finds out that he just fucked his best friend. And is Jed really a succubus? I thought they killed their lovers, or at least take their energy.  I have so many questions!

Of all the titles that I so painstakingly read for your enjoyment readers (not mine, I abhor monster smut erotica trash),  this gender swap one was definitely the most erotic. Well erotic in the most literal sense of the word, anyway. The pumpkin one was really silly and the diaper ones were weird and a little sad. All in all, I’d say this venture into Halloween erotica was a bust.

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I wanted to find an amazing monsterotica gem in the rough to commemorate this Halloween Edition of Freaky Friday, but I’m just not convinced that I did. It’s got to be out there, somewhere, waiting for me. I’ll keep reading this absurd monster smut, for you guys only of course-not for myself because I’m a sensible adult and sensible adults DO NOT READ this erotic garbage, if you guys keep tuning in.  Plus, science.

Have a safe and happy Halloween, y’all!!

 

 

 

“Vampire Night Bus Pounds My Butt” by Chuck Tingle

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I read this as part of the MacHalo group’s little Halloween buddy smut challenge.

Some buses are sentient in the Tinglerverse. Vlad is one of these buses and is technically Bus 13.

“These living vehicles are rare but not unheard of, and my scoffing at one could be seen by some as racially insensitive.”

But there is something a little extra-different about Bus 13. Not only is it a “living bus,” but… dun dun dunnnn!!!!

It’s a vampire bus.

Our hero, Rick, of course ends up on Vlad (in more ways than one!) and he is your typical vampire bus: Eastern European accent, “incredibly handsome in a dark and brooding kind of way,” with a “muscular chest” and abs.

Vlad “takes the long route” and they go for a scenic drive, where Rick gets a woody because he can’t resist “the strange charisma of this handsome city vehicle.”

Vlad takes him back to his castle where he proceeds to make all of his “darkest fantasies come true.”

Guess what Vlad drinks instead of blood? Guess…

So, Vlad’s peen is inside the bus. Of course, this is another “gay for you” story with Rick never having been with another man before Vlad.

Can’t you imagine the accent as Vlad says: “How do you like that vampire bus c**k?”

“Oh my dark lord of the night!” Rick says. LOL

The ending is great! Rick is afraid Vlad is going to make him a bat, and he doesn’t. He makes him a living bus instead! hahaha

That wraps up this short little Freaky Friday edition. I never get tired of Tingle’s “living object” stories. hehe. Until next time, stay freaky.

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Freaky Friday: Halloween Traditions

I hope everyone is home safe on this unluckiest of days. And didn’t stupidly plan on traveling today. It is the unluckiest day and the month where the Veil is thinnest. I’m only partially joking. Superstitions like 13 and Fridays being unlucky in multiple cultures is enough for me to not discount it. The idea that the Veil is thinnest this time of year in MOST cultures is enough to make me believe. But unfortunately for the evil spirits running amok tonight, I’m willing to risk my life to dye my hair teal tomorrow. I’m either incredibly brave or stupid. You can decide.

Either way, we need to discuss something freaky today. There are just way too many reasons for us to do it. So I thought it might be fun to talk about the parts of Halloween that aren’t normally discussed. I’m sorry in advance if I ruin anything for you.

Just kidding, I’m not sorry at all.

It is fairly common knowledge that our modern Halloween Traditions are heavily influenced by the Celtic traditions of Samhain. But we have definitely sugar coated some of them.

1. Jack O’ Lanterns

A lot of people know the idea that Jack O’ Lanterns were used to ward against evil spirits. (Which is why you should be carving scary faces people!) But actually, before the popularity of pumpkins, other root vegetables like potatoes and turnips were used. They also served another purpose. They were temporary homes for the spirits of your dead ancestors when they came to visit.

Honey, I’m home!

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To me that is funny because I actually imagine little potatoes walking around possessed by people. The part that disturbs me is that he will never look the same now.

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2. Bonfires

Everyone loves a good bonfire. Gooey Smores, melted chocolate, a reason to snuggle close. And most people think that Samhain fires looked like this…

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There is even a lovely legend about how centuries ago, women would take an ember from fire and use it to start the fire in their own hearth. I personally don’t actually believe this happened. It’s very impractical. They traveled days to get to a festival. I also know how much history was rewritten to further an agenda. And let’s face it, there would be a reason to rewrite the next part.

What most people don’t realize is that Samhain was the Celtic New Year. The reason why these fires were so lucky is because sacrifices were made to guarantee the next year was fruitful. Sacrificing part of the harvest guaranteed the fields were plentiful. Sacrificing livestock insured the remaining animals stayed healthy. So what do you think villages that were constantly warring sacrificed? That’s right….. prisoners of war. Two birds, one stone. Less mouths to feed and the gods were kept happy.

(Sorry, I couldn’t find any truly disturbing images of people being burned as a human sacrifice. So please pause for a moment to imagine it.)

3. Pooka

So Pooka isn’t particularly disturbing. But it’s one of my favorites. And not very well known. Meet Pooka.

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Legend tells us that Pooka is a black ghost horse with fire eyes. He roams the countryside at night. Anyone extremely foolish enough to accept a ride is spirited off to Hell, never to be heard from again. Oh what a lovely way to go. Who doesn’t love horses? Oh that’s right, I don’t. But even if I did, I’m fairly sure I wouldn’t ride one with fire eyes. Craziness.

But…. that’s not the best part about Pooka. Since Samhain is the harvest festival, they had to make sure there was motivation for people to work to get the harvest in. (Apparently possible starvation wasn’t enough.) So on Samhain, Pooka rides through the countryside as usual; however he pees on all of the unharvested berries, and the crops still in the fields. His pee is extremely toxic, making all of it inedible. So if a Pooka moves into your neighborhood, you better not dawdle bringing in your crops.

I hope you really enjoy biting into that crisp apple the next time you are sitting around the fire. Or choosing the angry eyes the next time you play with Mr. Potatohead. It would be a shame if their origins made them less pleasant. Just remember, we still have a few weeks until Halloween, so you should be safe.

But why risk it?

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