Halloween Scary Movies – Cult Classic Style!

The wonderfully awesome Abby recently posted a blog called Top 10 Tuesday: Halloween Movies for the Faint of Heart. So I decided I just had to post my own version, but cult classic style. These movies are at times gross, cheesy, maybe a little scary still, and 100% classics! They are not literally Halloween movies, but a fun list to watch during this month and any other if you can stomach watching horror movies that might not have aged so well (and some that have). Some are more obscure than others. But all, in my view, are worthy to land a spot on any Best Of list like mine.

10. Parents

parents-e1479707952184

This is a quirky horror film that slices up a chunk of meat long pig style. I haven’t watched it in ages, but remember it being creepy and gross, yet wildly entertaining. It’s out there and very over the top.

9. Motel Hell

motel-hell-body

Here is another movie I haven’t watched in forever, but this movie seriously creeped me out. That garden scene, though. Another gross, over the top cult classic. You should watch it if you haven’t already. These two are real pieces of shit work.

8. Children of the Corn

children-corn-1984

One look at that face still gives me nightmares. I remember being so freaked out by this movie. Truly scary. “Outlander!”

7. Nightmare on Elm St.

tumblr_ncbz5veril1rp0vkjo1_500

I remember being so scared of this movie when I was younger that I was afraid to go to the bathroom by myself. Now, it seems campy, but at the time, this was Grade-A, top shelf horror, folks! lol. Remember Johnny Depp’s role when he gets sucked through the bed?

6. Hellraiser

giphy

Another seriously scary movie for me. Pinhead was so creepy. Even though it was scary, there was something really unique and mesmerizing about it, in my view.

5. Nightbreed

nightbreed

Another Clive Barker movie that I loved. Again, it was creative and weird and strangely compelling. For a horror movie. I highly recommend this one.

4. Scream

starts-off-strong-chilling-scene-starring-drew-barrymore

This movie sort of changed everything. It was a mashup of all the horror tropes and starred like every single “hot” actor/actress of the moment. The story was good, it was funny, tongue in cheek, and just checked all the boxes.

3. Evil Dead 2

evildead8

One of the best. I kind of pretend the first movie never happened because this one was so good. (Although the first one terrified me as a teen.) Bruce Campbell just owns this like a boss. I love him. Making chainsaw hands look like they could be a cool accessory for any time of the year.

2. Fright Night

giphy1

This movie was a huge influence in my life and I even mentioned it in a previous blog, For the Love of Vampires! Chris Sarandon was so swoon-worthy as bad guy vampire, Jerry Dandridge. He was one of my first hardcore teen crushes. I mean, you can’t see it here from the gif, but I thought he was attractive, anyway. LOL

1. Lost Boys

10330377_10152409718423570_8371255349721809556_n-550x366

This was the first rated-R movie I saw in the theater. It changed my life. I crushed hardcore on every single actor in the movie! Kiefer Sutherland as villainous David, Jason Patric as Michael and even Corey Haim, the younger brother who has to  enlist Corey Feldman to help save his big brother. It’s just one of my all-time favorites and even had a good soundtrack!

Honorable mentions: Near Dark (another vampire movie, are you surprised), Maximum Overdrive, Event Horizon, and They Live.

Okay, that is my list. I noticed most of these are from the 80s, and that was when music and film really started to influence me (yes, I’m old). So I guess it makes sense that my choices would be from that time period. Have you seen any of these? Which are your favorites? Which would you like to see?

Until next time!

1791987

Advertisements

Freaky Friday: Creamed by the Cave Monsters (4 stars!)

BeFunkyPhoto

For this edition of Freaky Friday, we bring you an oldie, but goodie review from Goodreads. The short story is a weird, horror erotica piece that I liked, but not many other people seemed to. What else is new?

The Review:

Ok, 4 stars, I know I know. What is going on? But this was actually hilarious! Yeah, it’s smutty sex with cave creatures that look a little like this (only maybe not as mean):

But it actually has a plot and turns into a sort of weird horror story. Think “Twilight: Breaking Dawn” pregnancy scene only Edward is not there to cut the baby out with his teeth.

I can’t help it. This had tons of innuendo and funny and I never see these types of things go into a bizarre plot twist like this. It totally worked for me! HAHA

Recap: Some chick (her name isn’t important) goes spelunking by herself (of course) for college. She gets stuck in a dark cave and suddenly some creatures start banging her. She escapes the cave after they have had their way with her and kick her out (seriously, they kicked the biotch out and didn’t even help clean her up or anything). She goes back to college and SPOILER ALERT!

…ends up being pregnant with cave monster spawn, gives a presentation, and the baby comes clawing out of her womb. She lives. The End.

Brilliant! BAHAHA. Ok, maybe not brilliant. But a fun read. It’s very short and was free. I heard about it from Kelly and Dan, who were buddy reading it. So the MacHalo group, since we love stuff like this, decided to read it too.

End review.

My fellow bloggers Sam and Abby were not impressed. What can I say? I like the weird.

Until next time, stay freaky.

7ya8izz

 

“The Salt Line” by Holly Goddard Jones

34020019

ALL THE STARS! One of my favorite new releases of 2017! How to describe this book? Well, first of all, it’s got burrowing ticks in it! But, this is not a horror story. Yes, there are a few gross parts, but overall, it’s a post-apocalyptic setting in the future, where diseases carried by “miner ticks” have turned society into “zones.” Inside the zones, you’re pretty safe, but more restricted, and the government kind of lies about a few things.

Outside the zones, well, you aren’t really supposed to know anything exists out there. It’s DANGEROUS. Stay where it’s safe!

Inevitably, “excursion” groups pop up for filthy rich elites, where they suit up, and go “camping” for a few weeks and get to see how people used to live… old houses, grocery stores, star-gazing, gasoline-fueled, cars, etc.

One thing to keep in mind is that this is NOT a horror story. You do see some tick action, but it’s not the main focus. It’s about the people who go on this excursion and what happens to them and discovering things out there aren’t what they have been told.

I LOVED the various stories of the people focused on. You have Edie, who is this 20-something who happened to end up with a filthy rich pop star of the month guy. She’s the bartender/waitress who got the celebrity and wonders how she got there. Edie is awesome!

You have Marta, the wife of a mafia type guy, who has turned a blind eye for decades… for her sons. I won’t go into how she ends up on the “tour,” but this lady… ALL THE FEELS. There is some major girl power going on in this book. Strong female characters.

You have Violet, a horribly facially-scarred 30-something who ends up being so much more than she starts out being. I won’t go into her story either because spoilers!

Wes is the billionaire wonder-kid (well, he is in his 20s in this) who came up with some brilliant program like Facebook, only it’s called Pocketz. He is a vegan, has a bit of OCD, is very controlled yet inexperienced in a way, and his story surprises you.

There are a few more supporting characters, but those are the ones who stood out the most to me and we flash back and forth between their POVs. This has a few WTF and weird didn’t-see-that-coming moments.

I also really enjoyed the underlying various messages on motherhood. Each female has a totally different view on it and it seems to flow poignantly in the background throughout the book.

To me (this is just my view, don’t quote me on this), it has vibes of The Last One and The Book of the Unnamed Midwife. I think this has enough sci-fi and suspense to appeal to those who like that in books and yet it also has enough aspects of “regular” fiction to appeal to those who don’t like as much fantasy.

I highly recommend and just devoured this pretty much in one day. I just loved the characterization, the plot, and yes, the dystopian and fantasy moments.

Digital copy provided by Netgalley and publisher to read and review. Released on September 5, 2017.

Review on Goodreads.

Alien vs. Debbie: An Erotic Adventure

BeFunkyPhoto

This Freaky Friday edition is about a short story I read last year and is hands down one of the best alien smuts I have EVER read. First of all, look at this glorious cover:

25305565

It’s written by someone named Emma Steele, and she doesn’t have a whole lot of titles under this name. Unfortunately. This had humor, was well-written, and just flipping ROCKED. Here is my review from Goodreads.

My name is Debbie Archer. I’m 50 feet tall and I can’t get enough of the monster peen. But being so tall, regular peen just isn’t realistic for me anymore. So I had to go and screw Godzilla, and it was AMAZING. It even activated my kundalini and my chakras got all tuned up! Then, I got sucked through a wormhole and somehow ended up regular sized again, on a ship in 1987 with… Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, and Veronica Cartwright?!?!

Debbie: To top that off, they tell me they have a mission to capture all these TV aliens in space that somehow really exist because of complicated science reasons I don’t really understand – and then they show me where they’ve got them all locked up, so of course, after I screw the humans, I end up doing the aliens! ALF was there, some reptilian from Star Trek, Mork from Mork & Mindy, the Great Magoo, and some others … but these guys made the biggest impression…

Yep, I did them both. And loved it!

He’s got a three inch peen!

See that glowing finger? Well, it’s HOT, literally, and he likes to stick it places. The perv.

Anyway, I’m insatiable, and unstoppable, just like the Sia song! You’ll have to read it for yourself to find out what happens after the Xenomorph from Aliens shoots his creature sauce all over the spaceship (hint: that shizz eats through everything but diamonds). I have to go now because I see someone – something? – else I need to have sex with! Byeeee!

Me: Thanks Debbie, I’m sure everyone will want to read your story now!

So, I’m not sure if this is some bizarre version of fan fiction?

Whatever it is, I thought it was great. This really appealed to my inner sci-fi geek, as well as being hilarious. This was actually written very well and incorporates a lot of fun sci-fi theories and fantastic satire. This may be the best monster porn/smut I’ve ever read. It was gross, but so over the top, I just laughed.

I don’t usually give monster porn five stars (or even rate it usually because, while it satisfies my bizarre and twisted cravings, they are not usually all that). But this one? This one, my friends, is how it’s done. Take notes, authors of niche erotica, because this, for what it is, is freaking BRILLIANT! Yep, I’m going there. This was hilarious and awesome!

7ya8izz

Until next time: stay freaky.

Curing My Gamophobia: Authors and Series that Deserve a Second Look

GAMOPHOBIA- the fear of commitment.

Image result for too much pressure gif

I’m sure I’ve said this before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again: I’m REALLY  bad at series. Any series. Book, television, movie, it doesn’t matter. I have this really deep seated anxiety for some reason. I don’t know if it’s because I’m afraid they’ll disappoint me in the end or if I’m just worried that while reading/watching the next installment I’m missing out on something even better. I do know that it seems totally irrational, but I’m such a commitment-phobe when it comes to reading.

This is totally not a new phenomenon for me. No, unfortunately I’ve been like this since I was a kid. I stayed away from TV shows with a continuing story arc, and I didn’t read books that required you to read others in order to understand the storyline (with very few exceptions.) It drove my mom crazy. She always wanted me to read Anne McCaffrey’s Dragonriders of Pern , but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even as a teenager I knew that I would probably love it.  I mean, what’s not to love about dragons and their people who help save the world from an otherworldly menace (that is the basic premise, right?)? ‘Til this very day, I have a secret desire to pick up the first book, but at that time the very idea made my soul clench. It broke my mom’s heart it did. She just couldn’t understand why I was adamantly against starting the series. This commitment phobia is especially hard for me since almost any book produced in the literary world of fantasy and science fiction is almost guaranteed to be part of a series. And science fiction and fantasy books are my jam, people.

I’d like to say that as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten better, but that wouldn’t be the whole truth. I still tend to read only the first, and sometimes if it was really good, the second book in a series before moving on. Something that is true, however, is that I’ve come to realize there are many authors out there who write amazing books (series), books that drag you into the world they’ve created and make you wish that you never had to leave and by my not reading those books out of some misguided (though totally involuntary) apprehension I actually will be missing out on something spectacular. To that end, I’ve made a list of a few authors who’ve made me reconsider my unwillingness to enter into a long term, committed (literary) relationship.

1. ROBIN HOBB

Now, I know that she’s been around for some time, but remember me saying I didn’t want to get involved with a serialist? Practically EVERYTHING she’s written had been in this one particular world, though it is broken up into trilogies for the most part. After much back and forth, I  finally caved and read The Assassin’s Apprentice  and friggin LOVED it (my son has now read the entirety of the first series and he also loved it!) After that first successful book, I then read Ship of Magic and surprise, surprise….another amazing book was added to my read list. She creates such a wonderful world and characters, especially the villains. Man, her villains make you want to carve their hearts out with a spoon. If you like character driven stories, you should definitely give her stuff a try. It’s SO good! I need to read them all.

2. JULIETTE MARILLIER

Image result for juliet marillier

I read Daughter of the Forest and was not prepared, not at all. It gave me all of the feels and is now one of my all time favorite books. I immediately read the the second in the series, Son of the Shadows and was not disappointed. Juliette Marillier’s work is like reading a fairy tale, only the type of fairy tale where not every princess is rescued by a prince and sometimes wicked stepmothers are well and truly evil. Her stories are a bit like magic, and I kind of love her for that. I need to read all of her works, or at least attempt to read them all.

3. R. Lee Smith

Once upon a time, I was just a young woman who never thought, in a million years, that she would grow to love alien romance (aka erotica.) Actually, let me clarify this, I should say human/non-human erotica. That is until I read this little (haha) book entitled The Last Hour of Gann and it changed my life. After reading this book, human/human interactions seemed so basic. There needed to be more. When you read about two people (just to keep it simple) who come together under such fantastical conditions, who, despite language and physiology, manage to find a way to look beyond and fall in love, well it’s hard to top that in the romance category y’all. All of her books feature this type of character diversity and crazy obstacles to overcome. Yes, there’s usually some violence and abhorrent behavior, and yes, some of her books could be edited down a couple hundred pages, but anyone who can suck a reader in so fully, who can make a reader fall in love with a lizard man, must be doing something right. I NEED to read everything of her’s one day. NEED to, folks.

4. MARTHA WELLS

Martha Wells Web Site

Last year our MacHalo GoodReads group had a TBR clean-out challenge. It had to be a book that we had added to our “Want to Read” before the start of the summer (or was it calendar year??) Anyway, that’s not important. What is important is that I happened to read Martha Well’s The Cloud Road and was totally blown away by how good it was. I loved the world she created, with the dragon people and their ways of life (though they aren’t actually called dragons). Again, this is another case of intimidation because there are quite a few books/novellas that take place in this world and she has several other series that may be worth taking a look it. Gah!!! There goes my anxiety meter! However, I think it would be totally worth it to read them if they are anything like the first book of her’s that I read. She’s made my bucket list.

5. NEAL SHUSTERMAN

20759445

Last year I read Unwind and right then and there I vowed to continue that series. It hasn’t happened yet, of course, but that first book still stays in my mind. It had one of the most disturbing and heartbreaking scenes I’d ever read. Ever. The…and then he…then the doctor…and then it all fades to black. Thinking about it now still gives me the chills. If you haven’t read it yet and enjoy dystopian novels ( I know I still do!) you should absolutely check it out. And I should absolutely revisit my vow to read the entire series and maybe check out Scythe while I’m at it.

6. HUGH HOWEY

13453029

I loved Wool SO much once it was finally released as an omnibus (I was aware of the serials… but again, my serial commitment hangup kept me from reading them). I tried to convince everyone I knew (in real life-this was before my book social media days) to read it. I’m not sure how many actually did end up reading it, but those who didn’t then and still haven’t now are missing out. I can honestly say it’s still one of my favorites. However, since then he has gone on the release a ton of other additions to the story. I was little confused at first and have never been totally sure in what order they should be read, but I do know that judging by my love for his first published novel that his other works deserves my attention as well. It’s going on the list.

Honorable Mentions (with specific series):

7. MICHAEL MCCLUNG with his Amra Thetys Series (the first book was really good!)

8. PIPPA DACOSTA with her The 1000 Revolution Series 

9. LINDSAY BUROKER with her Emperor’s Edge Series because Sicarius is bae. 

10. M. C. A. Hogarth and her extensive works in the Pelted Universe

Sam Says (1)

Alright, now I think I’ve said enough…for now. What authors or series will make it on your bucket lists?

Starship Grifters by Robert Kroese

I’m just going to apologize upfront:

I’m crap at writing “real” book reviews. I’m sorry. Please don’t hold that against this book that I’m about to write a really crappy review for. It’s not its fault that my way with words is not on par with the author’s or my co-bloggers for that matter. They write awesome reviews. I tend to stick to “alternative” posts because I can handle those WAY better, or at least marginally better. So again, please accept this deep, heartfelt apology for what you are about to experience (or not experience if I’ve managed to drive you away!)

Image result for I'm sorry I'm so bad at this gif

There. Now that the niceties are out of the way and you guys are aware that this book review will be only “so-so” I can proceed guilt free.

I try to keep my reading experiences fun and interesting. I have way too much going on in my real life to be brought down by a boring fantasy world, hence the reading of silly monster smut and bad alien erotica. It’s ridiculous and cheesy and sometimes just the perfect palate cleanser. So when I came across this book with my handy, dandy kindle unlimited subscription, which NEVER fails me by the way (that was sarcasm people, just in case you were wondering), I was intrigued, but also a little hesitant. I like space stuff and I like funny, but I’d never really read  a space farce before. I’ve seen them, sure. Who doesn’t love Spaceballs?

 

Image result for spaceballs gifs

 

Image result for spaceballs

If you don’t think this is comedic genius then you have no comedy in your soul my friend.

And while I didn’t necessarily expect this to be that, it was the basis for my comparison. The bar was set really, really high. So I see this book, Starship Grifters (Rex Nihilo #1) by Robert Kroese

and I just can’t look away from it. I keep coming back to it, over and over again. I mean, that cover: it screams intergalactic space romp. I love it so much! Cover love does not always equate to book love, though, as I’m sure you are all aware. These books with amazingly perfect cover art are the Trojan horses of the book world. They look like beautiful, wonderful gifts on the outside. You welcome them into your life with open arms. Come here, pretty book, come to mama. But when you look on the inside all you find is the death of your hopes and dreams, stabbed, crushed, and stomped on by the facade of an attractive face. I would have hated for that to have been this book.

Please don’t let me down, please don’t let me down….

And you know what? It absolutely did not. I LOVED this book. I literally laughed out loud reading it. I regaled my co-workers, with tears streaming down my face, with the antics of Rex Nihilo. It was so good in every way.

You see Rex is a, well, he’s a grifter. He’s not a great gambler or boss or a great person for that matter, but he can talk himself in to and out of almost anything. Rex is always looking out for numero uno and for the next big score that requires the least amount of effort on his part.  Imagine his delight when, during a card game, he manages to win (totally on the up and up, I swear *wink wink*) the ownership of not only a spaceship but also a whole friggin planet. And from a well-known and well-respected weapons merchant! It’s gotta be legit, right? This is it: his big score! Only of course, it’s not that easy and things don’t go as planned.  Rex learns the planet is mortgaged to the hilt and now, because of the unpaid debt, he has a bounty on his head. Rex and Sasha, his Self-Arresting near-Sentient Heuristic Android companion, must figure a way out of this mess before it’s too late and he ends up paying way more than he bargained for.

Along the way they amass the traditional rag-tag crew (YAS!) and you begin to realize that either Rex is the luckiest man in the whole damn universe or he’s just fucking brilliant. Or both. I’m going with both.

Guys, this book was just fun and smart and even ended with a twist I didn’t quite see coming. It’s probably going to go down as one of my favorites this year. I’m that serious. If you like funny, like nerdy funny, I highly recommend it (and if you’re an audio book person, the audio is pretty good as well!)

That’s it, my people. Crappy review out.

Sam Says (1)

 

 

 

The Book of the Unnamed Midwife

7ya8izz

Meg Elison’s 2014 debut has one of those titles that makes you think twice. At first glance, it appears maybe a bit generic, vague, clunky…? You might think you’ll be reading a lot about babies being delivered. But don’t worry! This is a legit post-apocalyptic book rather than one of those that pretends to be but is really just fiction with the apocalypse as an afterthought, set way in the background (I’m looking at you, Station Eleven).

Almost everyone catches a virus and is horribly sick. The women and children? Almost all of them die. So society falls, and women are EXTREMELY rare. What do you think is going to happen? Roving gangs of men enslave any woman they find, while other women form “hives,” where they rule like queens. Any woman who is unfortunate enough to become pregnant, either dies in childbirth, or survives, but their babies are stillborn. One hundred percent of newborn babies die. It’s not pretty.

There is a lot of violence towards women (and men) in this. There are triggers of many kinds. The book doesn’t go into graphic, prolonged detail, but it’s there.

However, I enjoyed this. Jane’s story was very interesting. She chooses to become a man because it’s safer (cross-dressing trope – yay). I won’t go into the things that happen to her, but it’s a story worth reading (if you can stomach lots of cursing and violence and people being pretty despicable). Jane is a strong female, but she also has a more, let’s say, progressive, set of morals than your average character.

The ending is hopeful. I won’t say more. It has a vague The Road vibe to it and is an easy read. It alternates between first person journal entries and third person narrative.

She starts out in the San Fransisco bay area and she spends a winter in Utah before finding a group she settles down with. The writing was a little choppy, and filled with short sentences, but it really worked for me. It definitely gets you out of your comfort zone, but I didn’t feel like it was too much.

Buddy read with the MacHalo group.

stop (6)

Like Shelly, when I first saw the title I was quick to file the book under a category that was definitely not post-apocalypse, science fiction. As misleading as the title is, I actually kind of dig it. It is quiet and unpretentious.

I won’t really give a synopsis since Shelly took care of that, but I will say this:

I found being inside the head of our unnamed protagonist a pretty sad and lonely place. The choices she had to make, the way of life she had to develop to survive, it’s something I hope I never have to do. She not only had to isolate herself for safety, but in order to survive no one could actually know her. Like really know her. She had to become someone new entirely, from her mannerisms to her thought patterns, her old life fell away and she became a person caught between.

It took me aback sometimes, realizing the toll this transformation took on her mentally. But that’s part of what made this book feel genuine, not like a watered down version of the end of society, but what could happen when no holds are barred on a world truly dominated by one sex. While this played out in nearly every horrible way you can imagine, there were some end results that made me go, “Well, that’s one way to turn the power around” and I had to give a little mental ‘atta girl, even though it was still a pretty awful turn of events.

If you want to read a story that feels like it could be the real version of a world gone horribly wrong, where humanity is tested and many people fail, this is worth a shot. And while that may seem very doom and gloom, it is, but in the end it is not without a glimmer of hope.