Halloween Scary Movies – Cult Classic Style!

The wonderfully awesome Abby recently posted a blog called Top 10 Tuesday: Halloween Movies for the Faint of Heart. So I decided I just had to post my own version, but cult classic style. These movies are at times gross, cheesy, maybe a little scary still, and 100% classics! They are not literally Halloween movies, but a fun list to watch during this month and any other if you can stomach watching horror movies that might not have aged so well (and some that have). Some are more obscure than others. But all, in my view, are worthy to land a spot on any Best Of list like mine.

10. Parents

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This is a quirky horror film that slices up a chunk of meat long pig style. I haven’t watched it in ages, but remember it being creepy and gross, yet wildly entertaining. It’s out there and very over the top.

9. Motel Hell

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Here is another movie I haven’t watched in forever, but this movie seriously creeped me out. That garden scene, though. Another gross, over the top cult classic. You should watch it if you haven’t already. These two are real pieces of shit work.

8. Children of the Corn

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One look at that face still gives me nightmares. I remember being so freaked out by this movie. Truly scary. “Outlander!”

7. Nightmare on Elm St.

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I remember being so scared of this movie when I was younger that I was afraid to go to the bathroom by myself. Now, it seems campy, but at the time, this was Grade-A, top shelf horror, folks! lol. Remember Johnny Depp’s role when he gets sucked through the bed?

6. Hellraiser

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Another seriously scary movie for me. Pinhead was so creepy. Even though it was scary, there was something really unique and mesmerizing about it, in my view.

5. Nightbreed

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Another Clive Barker movie that I loved. Again, it was creative and weird and strangely compelling. For a horror movie. I highly recommend this one.

4. Scream

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This movie sort of changed everything. It was a mashup of all the horror tropes and starred like every single “hot” actor/actress of the moment. The story was good, it was funny, tongue in cheek, and just checked all the boxes.

3. Evil Dead 2

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One of the best. I kind of pretend the first movie never happened because this one was so good. (Although the first one terrified me as a teen.) Bruce Campbell just owns this like a boss. I love him. Making chainsaw hands look like they could be a cool accessory for any time of the year.

2. Fright Night

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This movie was a huge influence in my life and I even mentioned it in a previous blog, For the Love of Vampires! Chris Sarandon was so swoon-worthy as bad guy vampire, Jerry Dandridge. He was one of my first hardcore teen crushes. I mean, you can’t see it here from the gif, but I thought he was attractive, anyway. LOL

1. Lost Boys

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This was the first rated-R movie I saw in the theater. It changed my life. I crushed hardcore on every single actor in the movie! Kiefer Sutherland as villainous David, Jason Patric as Michael and even Corey Haim, the younger brother who has to  enlist Corey Feldman to help save his big brother. It’s just one of my all-time favorites and even had a good soundtrack!

Honorable mentions: Near Dark (another vampire movie, are you surprised), Maximum Overdrive, Event Horizon, and They Live.

Okay, that is my list. I noticed most of these are from the 80s, and that was when music and film really started to influence me (yes, I’m old). So I guess it makes sense that my choices would be from that time period. Have you seen any of these? Which are your favorites? Which would you like to see?

Until next time!

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Freaky Friday: Creamed by the Cave Monsters (4 stars!)

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For this edition of Freaky Friday, we bring you an oldie, but goodie review from Goodreads. The short story is a weird, horror erotica piece that I liked, but not many other people seemed to. What else is new?

The Review:

Ok, 4 stars, I know I know. What is going on? But this was actually hilarious! Yeah, it’s smutty sex with cave creatures that look a little like this (only maybe not as mean):

But it actually has a plot and turns into a sort of weird horror story. Think “Twilight: Breaking Dawn” pregnancy scene only Edward is not there to cut the baby out with his teeth.

I can’t help it. This had tons of innuendo and funny and I never see these types of things go into a bizarre plot twist like this. It totally worked for me! HAHA

Recap: Some chick (her name isn’t important) goes spelunking by herself (of course) for college. She gets stuck in a dark cave and suddenly some creatures start banging her. She escapes the cave after they have had their way with her and kick her out (seriously, they kicked the biotch out and didn’t even help clean her up or anything). She goes back to college and SPOILER ALERT!

…ends up being pregnant with cave monster spawn, gives a presentation, and the baby comes clawing out of her womb. She lives. The End.

Brilliant! BAHAHA. Ok, maybe not brilliant. But a fun read. It’s very short and was free. I heard about it from Kelly and Dan, who were buddy reading it. So the MacHalo group, since we love stuff like this, decided to read it too.

End review.

My fellow bloggers Sam and Abby were not impressed. What can I say? I like the weird.

Until next time, stay freaky.

7ya8izz

 

Freaky Friday: Did you know….

So, I haven’t done a post in like a month or more. I know, I suck. I’m sorry.

But in my defense, not only did classes start back in August (for those who don’t know, I work full-time, go to school full-time, and must also parent full-time… that’s a lot of full-time shit going on right there), but we also just completed the 8th, yes 8th, audit of the year. Always a stressful time. Always. Anyhoo, to add to that, now that it’s all said and done, I am beginning to train with our Quality Assurance Manager so that I can take his place when he retires next year. Got lots of stuff going on right now. Maybe too much lol.

I am going to try to get my balance back, I swear, so that I can at least contribute a few times a month to our awesome blog. And one of my most favorite things EH-VAH is our Freaky Friday spots. We have, dare I say it, too much fun reading some of the freaky shit we read and researching some of the crazy stuff we post about (maggot cheese? I mean come on…we can’t make this stuff up) that I couldn’t let another Friday go by without participating. But, not only have I not written a blog post, I have also not read a damn thing. Makes it hard to write a post about a book. Details, details, I know. My suckage meter is still pinging out a little. But in the spirit of Freaky Friday, I’m going to let you guys in on some weird tid-bits that you may or may not already know and that you may or may not find interesting. Here it goes….

(Nic Cage is always suitable for Freaky Friday)

Did you know….

that condoms were made of linen once upon a time?  Also, horns. Actual horns. Really? I thought the linen was bad enough, but my poor vagina closes up just thinking about horns going anywhere near it. Read more on the history of condoms here.

that there is a whale who has been searching for a mate for over two decades? Apparently, his call is at a much higher frequency than others of his kind so that no whale ever responds. He’s been called the World’s Loneliest Whale. How’s that for heartbreaking? Read more about 52 (the whale) here.

that a lot of lipsticks are made using fish scales? It gives it a shimmery look. I must say, it gives a new meaning to “fish lips.” Read more here if you don’t take my word for it.

that the Roman’s found all sorts of uses for urine, including whitening their teeth? Well, I sure didn’t, but now I do. I wonder if you can add mint to that? Hmmm….You can find more here about the other uses the Romans found for urine…

that when a male honey bee mates with a queen, he ejaculates so explosively it basically blows his penis off inside the queen, then he falls to ground and dies? That better have been one hell of a bee-gasm. Just sayin. If you want to know more, check it out here.

that while a bee’s penis basically kills him, a dragonfly can use its penis to remove the ejaculate of another dragonfly from his mate? He won’t be needing Maury Povich to give him his result. Find out all you need to know about dragonfly mating and peen here.

that there is a rare condition called diphallia in which a man is born with not one, but TWO penises? Now, usually only one is functional and the other is removed, but there is a guy who goes by “DoubleDickDude” who claims to have two fully functional penises. What???? (apparently I am on a penis kick….huh.) Read more about this guy here.

(since I am still on the subject of penises and bugs), that formicophilia is the fetish for having bugs crawl on your genitals? Like, how does that even become a thing? Check out the Wiki page here to read more.

that a Polish brewery makes beer using the vaginal yeast of Czech model Alexandra Brendlov? Yeah, me neither. You’re welcome. If you don’t think this is real (like I did at first) check it out here.

that a Canadian radio station bought Britney Spear’s alleged used pregnancy test and then sold it for $5,001? Crazy. But it’s Britney, so I get it….kind if.

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Alright, I’m going it end it there folks. I know I certainly learned more about bug peens than I originally intended, but that’s just one of the hazards (and joys) of Freaky Friday.

Keep it weird!

Sam Says (1)

Freaky Friday: To Fetish or Not to Fetish?

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In-between our weird Freaky Friday book reviews for strange erotica/smut, we try and shake things up by doing blogs about other “freaky” things. We did the doppelganger blog and the recent obscure (and gross) blog about freaky foods. Now, we briefly turn our focus to fetishes. Don’t be afraid now. Go to your special place, light a candle, say your safe word, and here we go…

We’ll go easy on you with the first one.

Dendrophilia: Sexual attraction to trees. Now, some of the information you find online about these things show real pictures of people and we don’t want to be… insensitive… to people’s personal choices. Ahem. So, I think this gif is safe to share to demonstrate what we are talking about here.

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Yes, some people have a real, sexual attraction to trees and take “tree-hugging” to a new extreme.

Autonepiophilia: Sexual fetish that involves role-playing as an infant. The focus is especially on wearing diapers and appears to usually involve women acting as the dominant “mother” figure and men as the infant.

I think this couple has “come out” publicly with this lifestyle, so here is an example:

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Oh dear. If you would like further details on this fetish, here you go.

Mechaphilia: A sexual attraction to cars or other vehicles. Here is a public story about a man who claims to have had sex with 1,000 cars.

“I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love,” he said.

 

“Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful.

 

“I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change.”

 

He added: “I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.”

Hey, whatever fires your engine up. As long as you aren’t hurting anybody.

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Knismolagnia: An arousal to being tickled. Me, I’ll punch someone if they tickle me. It’s involuntary. I just have to get away from the tickling. I can’t imagine physically being able to sit still long enough to breathe, let alone get off on this. But it’s a thing.

Actirasty: Getting turned on by the sun’s rays.

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This is a new one to me. How does this even work? This article might give you a few ideas (no graphic material, I promise, although there is a “pup play” article near the bottom of the page).

Okay, I think I’ve had enough and freaked myself out a-plenty for this week. We plan to do a Part Two sometime soon involving fetishes that people choose to partake in rather than feel compelled to – with book suggestions to accompany them as well!

Until next time, stay freaky, but maybe not TOO freaky, eh?

7ya8izz

Freaky Friday: To Eat or Not to Eat?

Some of you may have noticed that we took a small hiatus last week, but never fear! The MacHalos are back with a brand new addition (I’m channeling my inner Vanilla Ice here people so you must sing it to the tune) to our Freaky Friday collection.

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It’s funny how some of the topics we use come up in every day conversation. My daughter is in debate this semester and their impromptu debate topic was “Cats vs Dogs: Which is Better?” (or something along those lines.) She was outlining some of the arguments used, including this one used by a Korean classmate: in some cultures, like mine, dogs could be considered a food source. Now, I’m not sure if this was actually a pro-dog, like “Hey, dogs can be both food AND pets” or a pro-cat argument like “Hey, we eat dogs, but cats are superior so off-limits” or if it was not meant to be taken seriously at all, but it led to a discussion about foods that are weird-to-us. The natural conclusion was to do a freaky food topic as our Friday post. Of course, it also helped that we recently watched Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom.

So here we are! I have scoured the inter-webs looking for examples of freaky foods, and let me tell you: there’s a TON out there. Bugs, organs, you name it and someone, somewhere has eaten it. I tried to narrow it down to those that REALLY grabbed my attention, but honestly there were many, many worthy candidates.

Casu Marzo

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What is freaky about casu marzo you ask? Well, casu marzo is better known internationally as maggot cheese. Yes, you heard me: MAGGOT cheese. This is a traditional Sardinian sheep’s milk cheese that contains live insect larvae. The larvae are intentionally introduced to bring the cheese past fermentation into a decomposition stage, making it very soft. Clearing the larvae for consumption is optional, but this cheese is considered hazardous to eat if the larvae have died. Though this cheese is still made in Sardinia, it has been declared illegal in the EU.

Escamoles

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This doesn’t look that freaky, right? WRONG! Here’s another example of larval delicacy: escamoles. Served in Mexico, escamoles are ant larvae, often served pan-fried, and used mainly to fill tacos or omelets, but can be eaten alone and served with guac and chips. They are said to have a nutty flavor, but I’ll just have to take their word for it.

Balut

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Our next contender hails from the Philippines. Balut is actually a duck egg that is fertilized and allowed to develop into an embryo before being boiled (I think it may be used with other fowl as well). Once it is cooked, the egg is cracked, the liquid sipped, and then the duck embryo is eaten straight from the shell, bones, feathers, and all. It is often served from street vendors and apparently goes well with beer. Maybe something to think about for that next Super Bowl (or equivalent) party, eh?

Stink bug

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I thought about using the scientific name, but let’s just call a spade a spade, shall we? In parts of Africa, this edible species of stink bug is considered a delicacy and an important source of protein, vitamins, and micro-elements. In fact, there was a time that the U. N. encouraged the world to eat more insects, such as this particular guy. These odorous buggers can be eaten live or prepped to cook later. Um, well done please?

Guinea Pig

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I also came across many, many unusual meat choices: dog (Korea), cat (East Asia), horse (Japan), kangaroo (Australia), rattlesnake (United States), but I think the one that threw me the most was the guinea pig. I had no idea that people ate guinea pigs! Like dogs and horses, here in the US guinea pigs are cute little rodents sold in pet stores for a child to take home to love and cuddle, but in South America you can find the guinea pig as the star of the dinner table.

Holodetz

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So, we’re sorta kinda stealing this from Ilona Andrew’s Face Book page, but it was posted recently and seemed super appropriate. What we have for you is holodetz, or jellied pork. I’m sorry, jellying any type of meat seems wrong. However, not if you live in the Ukraine. There it’s apparently a specialty and a must on the New Years table. I think I’ll stick with our cabbage and black-eyed peas!

Blood Tofu

I’ve heard of blood sausage, which is also pretty gross if you stop to think about it, but blood tofu? Now, that’s a new one to me. The is literally pig’s blood heated with salt until it coagulates. You basically get a big, ole mouthful of congealed pig’s blood. Yummmm…..

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And last, but not least..

Fried Creepy Crawlies

I guess what they say is true: everything is better fried! You can get an array of creepy crawly bugs and arachnids, deep fried and crispy. I’m really only including these for aesthetics because they look so interesting. I have tried fried grasshoppers myself. They aren’t bad, actually, once you get past the legs that is…

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Okay folks, if at least one of these bizarre examples of cuisine didn’t skeeve you out then you are a stronger person than I. Is there anything that you have eaten that was just weird or freaky? If so, we’d love to hear about it!

Sam Says (1)

Until next time, ya freak loving weirdos whom we adore!

 

 

Alien vs. Debbie: An Erotic Adventure

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This Freaky Friday edition is about a short story I read last year and is hands down one of the best alien smuts I have EVER read. First of all, look at this glorious cover:

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It’s written by someone named Emma Steele, and she doesn’t have a whole lot of titles under this name. Unfortunately. This had humor, was well-written, and just flipping ROCKED. Here is my review from Goodreads.

My name is Debbie Archer. I’m 50 feet tall and I can’t get enough of the monster peen. But being so tall, regular peen just isn’t realistic for me anymore. So I had to go and screw Godzilla, and it was AMAZING. It even activated my kundalini and my chakras got all tuned up! Then, I got sucked through a wormhole and somehow ended up regular sized again, on a ship in 1987 with… Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, and Veronica Cartwright?!?!

Debbie: To top that off, they tell me they have a mission to capture all these TV aliens in space that somehow really exist because of complicated science reasons I don’t really understand – and then they show me where they’ve got them all locked up, so of course, after I screw the humans, I end up doing the aliens! ALF was there, some reptilian from Star Trek, Mork from Mork & Mindy, the Great Magoo, and some others … but these guys made the biggest impression…

Yep, I did them both. And loved it!

He’s got a three inch peen!

See that glowing finger? Well, it’s HOT, literally, and he likes to stick it places. The perv.

Anyway, I’m insatiable, and unstoppable, just like the Sia song! You’ll have to read it for yourself to find out what happens after the Xenomorph from Aliens shoots his creature sauce all over the spaceship (hint: that shizz eats through everything but diamonds). I have to go now because I see someone – something? – else I need to have sex with! Byeeee!

Me: Thanks Debbie, I’m sure everyone will want to read your story now!

So, I’m not sure if this is some bizarre version of fan fiction?

Whatever it is, I thought it was great. This really appealed to my inner sci-fi geek, as well as being hilarious. This was actually written very well and incorporates a lot of fun sci-fi theories and fantastic satire. This may be the best monster porn/smut I’ve ever read. It was gross, but so over the top, I just laughed.

I don’t usually give monster porn five stars (or even rate it usually because, while it satisfies my bizarre and twisted cravings, they are not usually all that). But this one? This one, my friends, is how it’s done. Take notes, authors of niche erotica, because this, for what it is, is freaking BRILLIANT! Yep, I’m going there. This was hilarious and awesome!

7ya8izz

Until next time: stay freaky.

Freaky Friday: I F***** the Puppet

Ha! I’ve got your attention now, don’t I?  I told you last week that we would return full force this Friday with a signature MacHalo special…and I always keep my promises.

Now, we’ve read a lot of weird stuff in the past, especially when it comes to niche erotica. We aren’t scared to go where no sane person has gone before. Well, besides the author, of course (obviously that person has issues—j/k! we love you Fannie Tucker!), but you get what I mean. So when we came across this little story, we knew it was kismet. You know what  it’s like when you have a craving but you just can’t seem to put your finger on what it is but then you walk by a shop and there’s this scrumptious smell wafting out and then it hits you that you need almonds coated in cocoa and espresso powder? Well this is kinda like that. We were craving puppet porn only we didn’t realize it until this story reached out and slapped us in the face with its big, green, three fingered hand.

Let’s get to it then, shall we?

First, meet our sexually deviant kids show host, Dongo.  He loves kids, rhyming, dub-con and bondage.

 

Say hi everyone.

Next, we have our aspiring young dancer, Emily. She’s in to, well dancing, and apparently she’s REALLY in to puppets. Or rather, a puppet is about to be really in to her.

Hey Emily!

Emily is a classically trained ballerina who is currently a back-up dancer on a kids show just waiting on her big break. After a small costume malfunction and a trip to wardrobe after the show, Emily finds herself alone in the studio wearing nothing but her bra and panties. What’s a girl to do? Put some clothes on? Nah. She’s to perform Swan Lake of course.

Only, Emily is not really alone. Her good pal Dongo is lurking in the shadows and her performance has  him all worked up. Now what’s a giant puppet to do? Not be horny? Nah, silly. He’s going to make Emily his puppet for the night of course.

“Dancer girl, close your eyes! Dongo has a fun surprise!” 

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This had the benefit of being funny, but funny in that extremely bizarre way that makes you feel a little weird inside. Like “should I be laughing at this because it is pretty terrible?” kind of funny. You know what I’m talking about. Anyway. This living “puppet”, and puppet is very loose description because he’s like this 6-foot tall furry blob with googly eyes and a cavernous mouth who supposedly has strings that hold him up, takes Emily and ties her up using these same strings and tells her she’s going to like it getting oohha-ed in her hoo-ha.

“Uh-hoo! Uh-hoo! The ropes are tight! A puppet friend for me tonight!”

So yeah, we definitely have some dub con with this one, even though after that she’s just like,

“Eh, what the hell? How often do you get the chance to blow a kid’s TV show puppet?”

Too true Emily, too true.

Let me just say Dongo was so texturely unappealing. He is literally covered in shag carpet. Like everywhere, his monster dong included. The whole time reading this all I could think about was matted down fur and how weird that would feel against the tongue, not to mention other body parts. It brings a whole new light to the term “shagging.” Not to mention RUG BURN. Gross and ouch!

Here are some highlights for you:

“You dance like a magical fairy!” Dongo said, then made a clumsy attempt to put himself in attitude en point. “Between those boobs, my face I’ll bury!” (I told you he likes rhyming!)

My thighs tightened against his wide, frumpy hips, and I dug my fingers into the fur of his shoulders as pleasure exploded inside of me.

…I tasted something like candy. I glanced down and saw that Dongo’s spunk glistening in every color of the rainbow. 

There’s nothing like some iridescent splooge that tastes like candy, am I right?

If you think you might want to check it out, here’s the link. All you Kindle Unlimited members are in luck! Most of Ms. Tucker’s books are available with the subscription. And if not? Well, that’s what we’re here for: so you can be entertained by monster smut guilt free.

Until next time, you honorary MacHalo freaks!

Sam Says (1)

Have any ideas or suggestions for our next Freaky Friday post? We’d love to hear from you!